I have struggled with the best way to convey the point of this blog, the message that will always be subtly, or loudly depending, repeated. In fact, my lovely new sister (in law.. blah) gave me the 31 Days to Build a Better Blog by the super-extra-crazy-internet-famous Darren Rowse, I got stuck on Day 1: Write an Elevator Pitch for your Blog. That’s pretty much failure of vision in a nutshell, no?
The thing is, I like the flashiness of the Chriss Guillebeau’s and others who travel the world and have an online business and share that wisdom with others. It would be a great life. Where I went wrong was to think, “They are them, so I should be like that because I love to travel too.” No. I felt this pressure because it seems the internet-wisdom is that leaving the corporate setting is not enough- you aren’t complete until you have literally gone to the ends of the earth. The disclaimer here is that these blogs encourage you to do that only if you’re into it, but me being me, it read like an imperative. How could I write a blog about leaving a job that makes you miserable without having gone all the way to China or wherever the hell else myself? Maybe I could write a blog chronicling my own journey to location independence..?
It turns out that as wonderful as their lives must be, that isn’t what I want (what a thought). So what can I offer? What is something I am good at that might help my readers? I haven’t been quite sure honestly.
I looked again at the blogging concensus, which is that your blog should become your main source of income by gathering a small group of devoted readers who will buy your life-changing e-books and coaching (for example, the Small Army). I know it works.. you can see it on a million blogs (and someday there may be cool logo stuff on this site, like yoga mats or whatever- full disclosure). But as my message dawned on me, I realized it is so simple that I want more than a Small Army to hear it. And I don’t want to be in Malaysia when it happens.
How I Discovered my Message, and a Word on Opinions
The message I want to spread came to me last night as I re-read the post on detractors. It was the missing point from the section on why the suggested questions will disarm your friends and family. I believe in living a fact-based life. A fact-based life. Hmm.
Some background: Recently, I helped someone with their finances in a way that truthfully is not novel. However, the people who had helped her before all had the greatest of intentions and a ton of love for her, and therefore had wanted to help her by giving her money and advice. But like in many families, a history of perceived snubs, unfairness, entitlement, guilt, and all the rest of those delicious ingredients had turned the love into hate. As she came to me for help, I listened to the usual story about her predicament. But then it went on to the guilt she feels toward her family because they have helped her, but she is still having problems. She raised their arguments just as if they were in the room, about how she lives too extravagantly (to which she also role-played herself as to why she does not), makes bad choices (again with the counter-argument), and that she is a bad person. Who wouldn’t be defeated by that?
But did you see any numbers in that touchy-feely discussion? Me either. But somehow everyone had an opinion. Her entire life, she and the people who tried to help her acted purely on emotion. She felt sad, they felt bad, they gave what they felt would help, she felt guilty, they felt like she made the wrong choices, everyone feels owed, etc. In reality? No one was really sure.
So enter my non-novel solution. I asked how much her expenses are versus her income. She didn’t know. The great thing about numbers is that they tell you whether revenue minus expenses is a positive number without having to discuss whether you are an ungrateful bastard or have daddy issues. Tidy.
That isn’t to make her sound stupid, because she isn’t. Her income does fluctuate. But the sad thing is that in over two decades of having this same discussion, and her helpers coming to the conclusion that she must live like a queen, no one had ever asked for the facts. That blows me away.
The purpose of those questions in yesterday’s post? Force your detractors into the facts. There are surprisingly few to deal with, when you really get down to it. Stick to what you know.
Getting back to my message, I want as many people as possible to consider the areas in their lives where everything has been decided on something other than fact- guilt, sadness, fear, jealousy, ego, pressure, status, etc.- and fix it where it hasn’t worked for them. It sounds so easy, but from experience, I know it is not. Unknowingly, getting to the point where I set those emotions aside when I act is the “my version of there” that I refer to on the About page. Maybe the Chris Guillebeau’s of the world would think this is a cop out, but I think the first step to extraordinary is not an outward action, but rather, having an internal “ok”-ness that you can rely on and act on- a basis for your actions- like facts.
This Blog + the Message + Me
For me, dropping some of this emotional stuff is how I am moving in the happiness direction. At first, that meant acknowledging that misery does not equal success, stress does not equal success, and living only to work does not equal success (sound familiar?). Those mantras were very damaging, and for a long time after I exited the profession-we-shall-not-name, I was in the habit of feeling that way. I’m getting past that, because those are over-achieving, ego-based emotions, not facts. Looking forward, I don’t fear my ultimate goal, or consider it a pipe dream that is too ridiculous to say aloud, because the facts bear out that it is possible. Not easy, but possible with a plan.
And so I’ll spill the beans. I set aside the feeling that it is too much to ask that I be fulfilled in my career, or too much to ask that I create something of value to my customers who I actually enjoy working for. Those were just feelings of fear. With the air cleared, I know that it is possible to have the women-owned-and-operated empire that I have kidded with my friends about. I want to work with my friends. I want to have a business with a good reputation in the community. I want on-site daycare for the people who need it. I want to send everyone home when the work is done, instead of when it is 5 pm. I have a few ideas on how to do it. Think it’s crazy? Is that the cubicle-mindset drilled into you speaking up before you can think, or is it that your napkin calculations don’t add up? <— That’s me calling out the knee jerk reaction. An organization like that is the legacy project I want.
Which gets me to my final point. The greatest thing about the aforementioned bloggers is that they have designed their lives based on the premise that a person’s life is his or her own. I don’t have to have their exact lives to know that I have succeeded, but I will take that “lifestyle design” idea to the bank.
Get what you want. That implies knowing what that is. You. Not your parents, employer, the Jones’, your bank account. Make a plan. I’m not sure yet, but my guess is that, in the same way applying effort to a plan in business can get an expected result, the same goes in life. Maybe for you that does mean owning a blog that finances your extreme travel, or maybe that just means you need to exit a profession that eats away at your enjoyment of life and family. I bet there are way more of us needing to do that second one versus the first. That’s who I am writing for, and that’s the message, even if it is isn’t very glamorous.
As for me? I’ll put myself out there as I try to achieve it in front of my extra-small army of readers 
Fantastic post Val. Fantastic.
I will also note that reading it through til the end has now made me late for getting to your house tonight! See you soon, albeit a little late!!