Getting what you want, instead of taking what you can get

Yesterday I wrote about how there is time, and I mentioned that using it wisely means not only having some semblance of a plan, but also turning down the opportunities that arise that don’t fulfill the plan in the long term. Before I get started, I will say that I don’t mean the plan cannot change, or even be fulfilled in ways you didn’t anticipate at the beginning. But after essentially wasting two years of my life working myself to death on 1. the first 2. opportunities 3. that fell in my lap, I didn’t spend that time working toward my actual goals. And I do have them.

Let’s look at those three points in the reverse order. I am going to embarrass myself here. Please judge me, but more importantly, don’t do what I did. 

3. I mentioned that I decided I wanted to be an attorney since childhood. I vaguely knew that I wanted it to be business related, not only because there wasn’t a single courtroom drama on television that I ever cared to watch, but also because it has always interested me. There was no more detail than that. When the time came to get my first job as a teenager, I didn’t think, ‘Hmm. Maybe I should apply to law firms.’ That’s forgivable. Not too many firms hire 16 year olds for anything, even file clerk positions. So I went with literally the first job I heard about that was open. And then I proceeded to stay there for nearly four years. One day, an acquaintance suggested I apply at the law firm where he worked. Ok. it fell in my lap. At least that time it was a law firm, but filing routine collection lawsuit paperwork did not really advance my ultimate career goals. I hated working there, so that friend eventually suggested that I work for his friend at a mortgage company. Ok. Hello! I was 20 years old at this point. Make a decision that bears some relation to my goals, rather than hanging around until I am miserable and going onto the next thing that blows my way, that the cat dragged in, etc. Once in law school, my student mentor told me about a position open at the firm where he currently worked. Another litigation firm. Without applying anywhere else, I took it. And you know what’s worse? On the interview the partner told me they would not hire me after law school. Awesome. A guaranteed dead end. I took it. Once it was time to graduate, I did take some initiative and at least decide to apply in my home town (prior to that, the world was my job oyster). When I ultimately took the job, I chose litigation because the crowd was far more interesting than the business lawyers (sorry guys). When I got laid off, I called my friend at a firm that does not do anything remotely close to what I want to do, and was hired the same day. Finally, guess how I got my current position (which is amazing and almost exactly what I want to do)? By accident. I’ll take it. I got lucky this time.

I wish I had been more like a friend of mine is currently in law school. Rather than my approach, which has been thinking that pretty much any job has six months of good experience in it, he openly considers how a potential job fits into his future plans. But that’s crazy! Student loans! Crappy job market! Graduation looming! <—- In my head, that all amounts to “I better take what I can get.” And what I can get is what finds me. That is a disastrous approach. My future plan is working; his is working in xyz career field doing this and that type of transaction, etc. 

2. Opportunities. That word makes me very apprehensive. In my case, most of those “opportunities” had something in common. If I came to work, worked as hard as possible, I might move up. What great opportunities! Um hi. That is not an opportunity. That is a job.

An opportunity is what I have in my current position, where I leapfrogged into a position reporting to the CEO, with a lot of autonomy to scout businesses that fit our corporate criteria and participate in the discussion about whether we purchase. I’ve learned things that apply outside of the organization, and that actually could form the basis of my own business, or another position that expands on that role and evolves into my ideal career. By the way, when I first started working for my boss, he asked what my ideal career looked like. About all I could tell him was that it did not involve an office for very much longer, but now I have so much more clarity than then. I might even get to the point where I can turn things down in favor of it.

1. And finally, first. Let’s take my current position again. When I met my boss, I was looking for a way out of the law. I was thinking six month retirement and then an online business selling baby shoes. But instead, he crossed my path, it was an opportunity, but… it was the first thing that crossed my path. Again, I got lucky in this instance. But if someone came along with the type of opportunity that fit my long term goals, even if they were vague at that point, why wouldn’t I consider the possibility that other, similar opportunities existed? At least check out what’s happening in the market! Taking the first thing can only be attributed to taking what I can get, yet again. In that Jordana Jaffe interview, she said “We are so used to doing so much for so little.” That hit home, because I have viewed my contribution in such a negative way that I could never think that a better opportunity might be available, if only I approached it on purpose rather than it being the first thing to find me. That is so ridiculous.

Ultimately, doing what you love requires knowing what it is (no small feat) and actually connecting the dots between what you are currently doing and what you want to be doing. I seriously don’t know how I didn’t realize that until just over a year ago. I don’t know if I didn’t believe I could actually do what I wanted, or if I had to take this crazy path to figure out what it was, or.. if I thought it would land in my lap. It won’t. It just will not.

Recently, I read Start with No, a book about negotiation which focuses on getting what you want, rather than spending effort to make sure the other party gets to win too (as in, let them worry about their needs, and you, yours).  To do it, the author makes the simple point that you must establish your own mission and purpose, because “If you aren’t working on behalf of your own mission and purpose [i.e., because you don't have a strong, clear one], you’re working on behalf of someone else’s.”

For a long time, I did good work for a lot of people. I did get some experience, it is true, but overall, all I have to show for that time is a stack of paystubs. I didn’t get closer to my goals. I didn’t work on behalf of my own mission and purpose. And to the extent I was out of school- I had “arrived”- I wasted two years (work during school… well.. if you’re in school working on your ultimate goal, that counts in itself). I wish I had had the confidence to Turn. Things. Down. I wish I had had the smarts to not think that working at something random was a good way to pass the time until I somehow stumbled on what I actually want to do.

How about just doing what you want to do from the very beginning?