An aside, co-starring Vicki

Me: So I’m writing about mothers on Miniskirt Murder this week.

My mother: [Silence].

Me: You know, how you mentioned I should write about the things in my upbringing that helped me in life?

My mother: [Sounds which I took to be an affirmative, yet non-committal, response].

Me: I was wondering if you want to write an article with your side of the story for the end of the week.

Vicki: [Silence] Ehhhhhhhh…………………………….. I’m not a good writer.

Me: Well… what if I interview you instead?

Vicki: [Awkward pause]. [More silence]. [Sufficient time passes to change subject].  Aren’t you going out of town?

Me: Yes, but-

Vicki: -why don’t you interview that judge who borrowed your mannequin?

Me: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

Vicki: [Launches into confusing explanation about a retired judge, a mannequin, and an opportunity to be on a cable television show that has very lax selection criteria]. [Abruptly has to hang up].  

And so, in short, my mother will not be appearing on Miniskirt Murder this week, or possibly ever, although I’m not sure much else could be written that is more representative than this conversation.