Aaaaaaand another thing:

I’m going to put this out there because I have absolutely reached my limit on this issue.

I have been complaining about it for ages, but then I heard a story recently that just blew me away. Enough is enough.

So: A friend of mine recently went to a birthday party for a little girl at one of these pizza and play places for kids. Six children were expected at the party, and you know how many showed up?

One.

My friend’s daughter. One out of six. It made me so mad for a million reasons, not the least of which that it was a birthday party for a four year old little girl who was probably really sad.

Here is what I want to know: Why do people feel so comfortable flaking? I almost said, “Why is it acceptable to flake at the last minute?” but you know what? It isn’t acceptable. The people doing it know that too, because they either no-show and don’t own up with an apology, or they give a super awkward excuse after the fact.

I went online to see if other people have dealt with this issue, and it seems to be rampant. There is a lot of the yes RSVP with the no-show later, or no RSVP at all when it is requested followed by showing up. I have had both happen to me, but definitely the first one is more aggravating. Another bad one is when a person RSVPs that they will have to see what is going on that day. To me that means “if nothing better has come up by then.” No thank you. I totally understand if you don’t know your work schedule, or you have people in town so they might want to do something, or whatever. But the open-ended “we’ll see” is not ok.

When it comes to flaking, I should begin by saying that life is long, and stuff comes up. Things do get in the way, and things do pop up at the last minute. But I should also say that for the most part true emergencies are a rarity, and so a lot of times it comes down to a matter of priorities and social appropriateness.

I have friends that I know if they said something came up, even if it was a bout of total exhaustion, I would know they were being serious. But the problem is, the people who RSVP yes and then don’t show up are repeat offenders. Even worse, given the extreme use of social networks, you can’t even avoid finding out what “sorry I just got busy” actually means (hanging out with other friends, dinners, etc.). Don’t lie that you got busy. Say something better came up, because after all, that’s what happened. That doesn’t make it better, but at least you’re being honest (and not getting found out because you can’t stop updating your fb status every waking moment).

Somewhere along the way the idea has been lost that RSVP-ing yes means that you have filled that time slot for whatever else may come up. For example, I have plans to go with a friend to a movie on Thursday, and then someone asks me to go to a concert that same night. The right thing to say is, “Sorry, I already have plans for the movies that evening.”

And if Thursday comes and you are going to flake, don’t wait until two minutes into the damned thing to let the other person know you’re not coming! (This really happened to me). That should have been obvious to you when you didn’t get in the shower on time to get ready, or when you still weren’t getting dressed before you were supposed to be leaving, or when you weren’t in your car driving anywhere in the half hour or so before the time to meet. Let the person know as soon as you know. It’s  the least you can do.

Finally, I wish people would RSVP with a “no” a little more often. Maybe Thursday nights just don’t work for you, because you’re tired by the end of the week, but you still have to wake up early on Friday morning, or whatever else. It’s ok to say no!

I guess this issue gets to me so much because, unlike the old days when people could just drop by or meet up casually, nowadays everyone has such a crazy schedule that planning ahead is required. Being that interaction is the foundation of a friendship, if we are already limited to set meeting times, and then you don’t show up, you can call it what you want, but it isn’t a friendship. And really, it’s not like I”m asking you to move my furniture or something. I’m asking you to show up in your pajama pants, have a glass of wine for an hour while laughing with our other girl friends, and be on your merry way. That isn’t asking for very much, and in fact, it’s just asking you to relax and have a little fun. What a concept.

What do you think? Am I acting like a total grump on this one?